still very cranked.

although today i feel even more annoyed with life than i did yesterday, all this anxiety and crap has to go somewhere.... right??
i havent been to the gym in a while (last wednesday... 1 week ago) & i just have too much going on before we head out of town to get there again. i need to get travel sized crap, i need to pick up a few cute things to wear on "vacation" - otherwise i might have a nervous breakdown when i go to pack tomorrow. i feel like i might have a nervous breakdown in general.... i dont know what has gotten into me, but i am feeling very overwhelmed, etc etc etc

im feeling really disconnected
i know a lot of it is my fault.
im not the kind of friend i should be. i dont call anyone. i never call back. i say mean things about them in my head [and sometimes out loud]
i feel taken for granted
i feel like i do nice things & pay attention to people but no one ever ever returns the sentiment
im broke
im unoriginal
i have no motivation in life
i have old ugly clothes
i wear the same 4 pairs of pants every week to work with a mix & match of 4 different tops
i can't afford to buy anything new, without going farther into debt
im already in debt and it makes me sick thinking of how long its going to take to pay it off
my parents already lend me money and i dont know how im going to pay them back, if i ever do
i want to get out of new jersey
im feeling suffocated
i want to backpack
i want to travel
i want to see crazy things
i want to miss my family
i want people to miss me
i want to spend christmas in brazil
i want to be ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM NOW


im boring
im typical