100 things... back in action

since i've been gone for nearly 2.5 weeks now......... im BACK.

did you miss me?

my computer was down at work... and we all know thats where i do my best blog-thinking. inspiring it is!

so to appease anyone who happens upon me, here is my 'mandatory' list of 100 things...

1. I love making lists
2. I take my coffee black, with 2 sweet & lo
3. Milk makes me fart
4. I had a hernia operation when I was 12
5. My favorite grandparents died & the 2 I have left don’t really “count” to me
6. I still just can’t justify buying a pair of jeans worth over 100 bucks
7. I spend 95% of time procrastinating at work & 5% doing work that makes my boss think I am a good worker.
8. I really hate the smell of fire
9. I always wanted a Volvo station wagon when I was little
10. I really hate cats, I can’t trust them & I think I am a little scared of them
11. I think its strange when people insist on backing into parking spots every day
12. I’ve worn glasses since I was 8
13. I used to suck my thumb FOREVER and it caused me to get braces
14. I still sucked my thumb after I got them (age 11)
15. I was born in Plainfield NJ and I still have no idea where the hospital is
16. I have voted in every election since we were able to vote, except the last one – and I felt guilty.
17. I love singing around the house in a voice that sounds like Cher.
18. I think Barry Manilow is terrifying
19. I would probably eat an everything bagel w/ Cream Cheese every day for the rest of my life if it wasn’t so “unhealthy”
20. I really love the unusual color of my eyes
21. I’ve never been to Vegas and I wonder if I’ll be able to go when I’m young enough to get crazy & enjoy it to the fullest.
22. I have a weird “thing” for old men – I think grandpas are so cute
23. Sometimes I think there is a gay man trapped inside me. I love musicals.
24. I am really scared to get lasik eye surgery… and even more afraid that my eyes would just go back to the way they were after a $4000 procedure
25. I tell stories with a lot of detail so the person can feel just what I was feeling when it happened
26. I love going to the movies and a great present would be unlimited movies for a year
27. I like when songs “touch me” and I feel like they were written for my situation
28. I was always horrible at math – and I still have problems doing simple stuff and it makes me self-conscious
29. I believe in karma big time and there are a few people who are getting exactly what they deserve
30. I also believe in the 3 second rule. Especially if no one is looking.
31. I’ve never gotten a speeding ticket in my life. I’ve only been pulled over once and I got out of it. [knock on wood]
32. No one ever pronounces my first or last name right and I really hate that.
33. My birthstone is “peridot” and I think its ugly
34. I am a complete hypochondriac and I always think I’m pregnant.
35. I have a really sick sense of smell
36. My dad used to ride motorcycles. I still think he is the BOMB
37. My grandmother was a twin and I secretly hope that if and when I ever get pregnant, I have twins too
38. I am very paranoid about my underarm odor.
39. I have the strongest desire to move to California, and I’ve never been there yet.
40. I always have the craziest red eye in pictures.
41. I really feel BAD for Britney spears & her life on a weird level.
42. I am in credit card debt.
43. I genuinely feel that being nauseous is the WORST feeling on earth.
44. I hate feeling guilty, but somehow always feel guilty about something
45. I randomly have thoughts of accidentally cutting my fingers off while cooking – at least once a day. I think its why I hate cooking so much
46. My mom made my Halloween costume for me every year for like 10 years
47. I was Dorothy in Kindergarten and she was the wicked witch.
48. I have no brothers or sisters and I am afraid to ask why not
49. My parents don’t know I went skydiving 2 times
50. Sometimes when I think of my life & situations I narrate it like I’m in a book.
51. Whenever I don’t feel good, I always want to eat Velveeta.
52. I hate making small talk with my co-workers
53. I am right-handed and I don’t write “normally” – I rest it on the ring finger & it leaves a bump
54. I hate when people who have really nappy curly hair try to straighten it – IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD, be curly & be proud of it!
55. I think if heaven is like “What dreams may come” then it’s not so scary. I just really hope when I get there, the people that have left me will recognize me as an old lady. [if i get to be old!]
56. I really want to go on a cruise & play that scavenger hunt game
57. I shave my armpits every time I’m in the shower b/c I never want to have hairy pits
58. My biggest fear is someone breaking into my apartment when I’m there – and not being able to defend myself or get out safely
59. I have to fall asleep with one foot outside of the covers or I’ll never go to bed
60. When I was little my mom had to cut off the feet in feetie pajamas b/c they made me too hot
61. I have the craziest dreams ever & I almost always remember every detail
62. I believe the scariest place on earth is the dentists chair
63. I HATEEEE turtlenecks in any way shape or form, especially on me, and men.
64. I know all of the words to Mary Poppins, Wizard of Oz and White Christmas
65. I could become addicted to prescription medicine if I had a supply
66. I used to LOVE putting together jigsaw puzzles with my mom and dad during the winter
67. I vow to never drive a minivan, wear mom jeans, get a short mom haircut, or have a soccer ball “broken glass” sticker on my car
68. I hate when people make fun of me for being blonde or “young”
69. I think every celebrity in Hollywood is gay [legitimately]
70. I wish Paris Hilton would fall off the face of the earth
71. I would love to be on the game show “Family Feud”
72. Sometimes I wish my car was a demolition car and I could crash people off the road and then drive along with no problem
73. I had 4 permanent teeth pulled when I was 9 to make room for braces, etc.
74. Once, when I was babysitting at like age 12, I thought about shaking the damn baby to get her to shut up. I still feel bad about thinking that.
75. I used to watch porn at my Aunt & uncles house when I babysat in 8th grade
76. I really hate my dad’s brother and I wish he wasn’t a part of our family
77. I was in a spelling bee in like 4th grade and I was so proud even though I didn’t win
78. I’m scared that I’m never gonna find what it is I’m “meant” for – and my life will just be ordinary, typical, boring
79. If no one cared, I would take a one hour nap at work every single day
80. I hate when people take themselves too seriously: ex. Never smiling in pictures but only giving the “I’m so hot” side face pose
81. I am really scared of global warming & the effects its having on the earth, weather, animals, people, climates
82. I CANNOT imagine a life without my mom or dad
83. If I could go back & do it all again, I would be a teacher
84. I'm starting to feel more comfortable growing up and being more "adult"
85. Im not scared at all anymore of getting engaged and I am actually really looking forward to it
86. I fluctuate between thinking im "okay" with my weight and wanting to never eat again/work out every day
87. I think i had a drug problem my senior year of college, sort of
88. And i definitely think if i had connections [and money] i'd fall right back into it
89. I'm not cut out for the corporate world
90. I'm too emotional and things bother me really easily, no matter what i do to try & stop it
91. A lot of times i think im addicted to food. i wonder what it is that im eating to "cover up"
92. I really love Christmas songs... and im glad i can listen again after getting over some sad memories that go along with that time of year
93. I have good taste in clothes, but no money to spend on anything
94. I love thunder & lightning
95. I watch Food Network more than anything else on TV
96. We're going to have a destination wedding one day
97. I can't find a bra that fits, feels good and looks good
98. A very naughty secret: im scared i wont like the ring that i receive b/c i secretly feel he has bad taste in jewelry
99. i rarely answer the phone, i dont like talking on it and i dont like returning phone calls.
100. I have a nervous stomach

ta da. enjoy.

im a big girl

First Topic:
LAUNDRY

i've made a mid-year "new years resolution".

i'm making sure that when i take clothes off, i keep them right-side out.

Now, to the normal person that might not seem like that big of a deal, but to me it is the worst. whenever laundry day comes i spend an extra 5 minutes or more turning things right-side out so that drying isnt a whole production in itself. because by the time that annoying as hell buzzer goes off, i want nothing more than to shove the clothes in the drawers and go on with my day.

Socks - always inside out. Shirts, i rip it off like a 5 year old ready to run to the next toy without thinking. pants tend to be the ONLY thing that is not inside out. my sports bras are the only things exempt from this rule, b/c most times they are drenched in sweat and nauseating to spend too much time turning right-side out, etc.

So i am making a real effort these days. a small step in the grand scheme of things, but large when it comes to efficient laundry doing.


Next topic:
DEBT.

I am in debt.
i dont like to say it. i dont even like to think how i've gotten here [think: moving out, not budgeting well enough, and when it comes to things i "need", but dont have the cash for asap - i charge it. awesome moves]. which really just ends up getting worse each month - b/c as the bill gets higher (i consolidated my 2 big cards into one), i want to pay more to make it go away... thus making the cycle worse. more money going to the card means more money out of my bank account, etc etc etc.
BUT i have finally accepted my fate. I am discontinuing use on my big card, and vowing to make a plan to pay it off in a matter of months. I MUST DO THIS. D made it clear that when "our accounts merge" (isnt he romantic), he doesnt want to take on loads of my debt. which is completely true - and not fair to him. i wouldnt want HIS debt, that's for sure.... so i have to make every effort i can to eliminate the problem. Thankfully my 2 BIG wedding commitments are DONE GONE FINISHED and now i have to pay-off my parents also. CRAP, forgot about that. im sure they will bring down my total cost, b/c they know how broke i am and they dont really need the money - but i told them i didnt just WANT the money, i wanted to pay back. so hopefully they will cut me a break, and i will slowly pay that off too.
I also bought a Suze Orman book "Women and Money". I plan to start reading it tonight, and really get into it. She has some sort of 5 month plan - which would take me to October, and that would be awesome to be at a much more debt-free zone in October. I wonder if i'll get engaged in that time period. wow it seems so far but not really that far at all...... ahhhhhhhhh im getting freaked out again but freaked out in the good excited way.

so thats my plan... my big girl plan. take control of my laundry and my debt. one step at a time.


So to come full circle.... i really want to go on a shopping spree.
i want like 10 pairs of shoes, 2 bathing suits, and a ton of new summer clothes. but that DOES NOT fit into the new & improved me. shoot.


also - D is getting a raise at work again :)
i am so proud of him. sometimes i think that he is a little forward/too aggressive and obvious when it comes to trying to get what he thinks he deserves, but in this role it has done him nothing but good. the people at work seem to really like him - he gets lots of praise and i think this will be his 3rd raise in 18months. which is awesome. he's also started his own business with a friend - and while it is still in its newborn phase, it shows a lot of potential - and they really could do well for themselves if they play their cards right, invest a little money and get the name out there. maybe then i can manage that business for him and quit any other job and be a part time lady of leisure. damn that would be awesome. great, now im day-dreaming at work.

Had a dream i was fired from work last night - and it was a BIG scene. i think i was feeling guilty about the "access denied" things i was getting from looking at blogs yesterday and seeing that they are "monitoring me". i dont like the sounds of that. i am a good worker, but i need to scatter my tasks throughout the day or else i will be done in like 1 hour..... and then it will be really BAD. i really wish i knew what direction i should be going in life. not that i am unhappy here - AT ALL - i really am, and i am not even thinking about another path right now [which is a good feeling] but it still doesnt feel like ME, like where i am supposed to be. its a nice place, a nice office and the people are nice enough - but i dont know. sometimes i just feel like i am all on my own here and i can go for hours and hours and hours w/o even TALKING to anyone...........

oh well.

gotta get back to 'being busy'
[or looking it]

more to come as my debt hopefully lowers itself.