the hum drum

Each day follows this routine... as much as i like to say i am not a slave to it, I AM DAMMIT!

6:51 - alarm. snooze.
7:00 - alarm. contemplate getting up. feel really snuggled. snooze.
7:09 - curse myself for being lazy, and get up. leave D behind. damn him.

Shuffle to bathroom, no glasses, no lights. it's been freezing lately when i open the door to our room, so i turn the heat up in the other room. brrr.
Put contacts in. feel instantly awake. look at clock. 7:12.. curse at myself again, dammit, why am i always 5 minutes behind where i want to be??
wash my face, pee and weigh in. (occasionally... when feeling "skinny").
go to kitchen, take myriad of pills. i'm only 25 shouldnt i NOT be taking 4 pills each morning to prevent or help or stop or whatever?? but if i dont, i feel the burn. literally. (acid reflux. duh).

7:20 back to room to do makeup, watch the Today show, and laugh with D while getting ready. when 7:30 hits i am again cursing myself that i am running out of time to make breakfast & still get out before 8.
7:32 into the kitchen to make my delicacy of egg beaters (with shredded cheese), turkey bacon, and english muffins for the both of us. its the nicest part of my morning routine - making breakfast & us sitting down to scarf it down b/c we're obviously both running "late". jeez, D doesnt even leave for work till 8 when hes really supposed to BE there at 8. oh well, life goes on.

Fast forward to 7:51- WHERE DID THE TIME GO? ughh, tooth brushing, throwing on clothes, gathering bags, running out the door.

8 am, we start cars and follow each other about 50% of the way to work. i love our wave goodbye when he turns left as i go right. its like our 2nd goodbye of the morning and i feel really connected to him for whatever reason.

8:23 - arrive at work, go upstairs, say hi to boss (have small amount of morning pleasantries), turn computer on, get coffee. MMMMMM COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. it's official. i'm addicted to that brown liquid. Black, 2 sweet & lo (or splenda), thankyouverymuch.

8:30 - 9:00. Bullshit on the computer. Check bank statement, gmail, myspace, and various celebrity gossip sites for anything i might have missed while catching some beauty sleep. can't go more than 12 hours without it! heaven forbid.

9 am. decide to try to get my act together and "Work". it lasts in spurts for about an hour. i change between actual work and emailing, checking the web for 'updates'. updates are a big thing for me. i love any site that changes w/ new information daily. except for CNN. too busy for me.

10 - 12 am pretty much continues in this fashion. on busier days i tend to obviously get more stuff done and the time seems to fly. i have the typical interaction with co-workers. you know, the polite smiles, the casual "hey how are you" BS, all the shit i HATE.
Next is the dreaded "lunch hour". i only seem to dread it b/c i really want to leave every day, but some days there is this invisible 'guilt shield' holding me back. my bosses arent leaving or are really busy, but i just really want to get out for some air and be away from the whole work environment - and clear my head. im a big proponent of that, everyone should get away from their desk at some point every day. so its either "do it and suck it up" or stay, eat miserably at my desk... and then when it's only 12:30, cry a little inside wondering how long the afternoon is going to go.

1 pm to 5 pm usually goes something like this. Work ... BS ... snack... work ... BS with boss .... work... snack, then freak out at the end of the day when i realize yet again i still havent done those 3 things that have been on my 'to-do' list for a month. Dammit !

5pm.. "how long do i need to stick around to make it seem like i'm not running out on work at 5:01"? Most days i am actually busy at 5 and have to stay till at least 5:30, which is nice. then i dont feel like i have the "god i can't wait to get out of here" attitude. (which i do).

5:30 - change in the work bathroom to make sure i actually get to the gym. if i leave in work clothes there is a 95% chance i will NOT get there. some strange illness will miraculously appear and i just won't be able to do it.

5:45 - 7, working out. once i'm there - i'm hooked. i try not to think about what's going on after my work out (aka D cooking, laundry, TV shows, etc) but sometimes i am just too distracted. i love to check out this one dude at my gym, he doesnt really notice me but i love him. every once and a while i feel like i see C... and it gets me all caught up in my stomach - i hate that feeling, b/c after that split second i realize, its not him and he's not coming back.. and he doesnt go to this gym anymore, and i can't run into him here. those moments are the worst. the 1 second where i think "WHAT!" is awesome - but 99.99% of the time is followed by a lump in the throat and tearing eyes. like now.
ok next subject.

7 pm. Head home. my house husband (or house boyfriend) is home cooking. thank god for that man and his skill in the kitchen. reason # 92,382,647 why i can't let this one get away. after a great workout, heading home to a great meal and a great BUTT is all i need :)

8pm - clean up in kitchen & hopefully prepare some sort of lunch for the next day. been really lazy lately & lunches have taken a turn for the unhealthy (aka EASY). i need to get back into my salad kick, asap.

9 - 10pm, TV and shower time. hopefully not being a slave to the TV as i am every night. so annoying. thank god for DVR.

10 pm - 11pm, normally in bed watching TV, reading, being an old married couple. well, without actually being married. we're pretty normal & many nights it scares me.

lather.
rinse.
repeat.

my GAP wardrobe.

well after reading through about 75% of the internet and the ridiculous, silly, annoying and the inspiring blogs that are few & far between - i have decided to let my voice be out there. not exactly sure why. dont know what 'void' i'm filling, but i do like to write, i like to make fun of things, and i certainly have strong opinions. we'll see where this goes i suppose.

so let's get to it, shall we??
first of all, what is the deal with working? who ever said i wanted to be an adult? and why do i have so many bills that continually get the minimum payment only to show up again at my door the same time the next month?? did i really need that 15th long sleeved shirt from the GAP?? will my wardrobe ever represent what i really want to be, instead of having a ridiculously high bill for a middle class yuppie store and clothes that annoy me?! i feel like less of 'me' since being this adult on my own, paying my bills, making breakfast, lunch & dinner - only relying on me.. and of course D, but it's not fun. i want to be 15 again. okay i take that back. 15 sucked. maybe 18. 18 was fun. Driving, drinking (not at the same time of course), partying, out of high school, starting college but still having the comfort of coming "home" and really really appreciating it, seeing friends that you LOVED in high school and couldnt wait to be around because they really "got you" - whoever that was, and mom & dad still wanting to do everything for you - and it being perfectly acceptable for them to be able to do that. jobs were a joke, sleeping late was practically written in the bible and if you got up before 10 that was "early", drinking 5 nights a week was status quo and gaining weight was just not gonna happen, tanning & doing drugs were part of the daily routine, and no one batted an eye at you if you slept all day and missed 3 classes.

that was the life. honestly & truly. yeah, i appreciated it then - i loved every minute of years 18-22. then 23 came and i still longed for the days of 22, and daydreamed about "what would i be doing if i were still at college today?"... and i finally had to let it go. now it seems foolish to say that. now its called "reminiscing" and its okay to talk about it like it was so long ago. 3 years isnt all that long. i'm still considered a 'little girl' in the office and everyone makes reference and jokes to the fact that i was born like 5 years ago. yeah, that's fun.

now i seem to care less about politics and more about what britney spears ate for dinner last night. not that i ever really cared about politics, but as an "adult", shouldnt i be more aware? granted, i do watch the today show for 40 mins every morning and get a good enough dose of reality - (especially those segments "where are germs secretly hidden and why they will eventually KILL YOU"- yeah thats a great way to start a morning).... but i dont sit down and watch CNN or MSNBC or YUCK, fox news... kill me. i sometimes feel like i need to grow up to be more of an adult. maybe it comes with the territory. i could be like some of my friends who just DO NOT HAVE A CLUE like "wait... there was a hurricane?" "wait... who died?" UGHH

really, i just want to shop at nordstrom and buy expensive things. instead i'll stock up on gap tees, read perezhilton 10 (okay 20) times a day, and watch grey's anatomy. my 25 year old existence isnt what i thought it would be.